Of Love and Pain
by Frostheart the Angel
Summary: *WARNING: MIGHT BE TRIGGERING* Neville always cut himself. It was his escape from the world. But when Hermione and Luna intervine can they bring him back from his ways?
1. Chapter 1

Neville sat on the plush red chair before the fireplace in the common room. He stared at the fire for a long time thinking about his life. His worthless useless life. How no one ever respected him. No gave a damn about how he felt, or asked him if he was okay. Always getting teased, bullied, and hurt.

His grandmother always desired a stronger better grandson. One who would bring glory to the family. Like many others in his life he had disappointed her. Never given her the grandson she craved for. He had tried to write to her, to tell her how she felt but she always told him to remain strong.

And his parents! Oh his parents who didn't even know their son's own name. Who were tortured beyond what they could take but Death Eaters. Who would live the rest of their days in a hospital ward. He always felt longing and emptiness when he saw other people and their parents. Maybe if he had had a father to actually support him, he would be a better wizard.

All of these thoughts danced around in his head like the flames dancing in the fire. A tear drop gently streaked down his face, a lone sad one.

Why couldn't he have turned out better?

Beside him sat a knife. A plain simple steel knife with a polished cherry wood handle. He smiled as he looked at it again. So comforting, so loving. Now with this he had control over his life. With this he could take control. He always did it the muggle way. That way it would feel real instead of a quick and blunt hurt with his wand.

Pulling up his drawn sleeve he placed the knife an inch after the last one. The previous night. As he slowly pressed the tip of the blade onto his skin he moaned. Not with pain but with joy. Joy that he never felt.

It always felt comforting. As the droplets of blood stained the couch and skin he smiled no longer crying. He removed the blade and set it beside him careful to clean it off. He lifted his arm and let the droplets fall onto the leather.

He suddenly heard a quiet gasp beside him.

"Neville?!"

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><p><strong>Do you guys want me to continue? And as always constructive reviews are always welcomed.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry to all the people who have been expecting some kind of update. NaNoWriMo just started and so I just know caught up with the day's minimal number of words and added on about 1000. So here is the next chapter.**

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><p>Hermione stood by the door way, shocked and clutching her mouth. She was wearing only a silk night dress, and her bushy curls were half covering in her face. Neville quickly put his arm down and gave her a weak smile.<p>

"H-hey H-h-hermione." He stammered. He got up, his arm behind his back, blood stains getting on his night shirt.

"Neville! Why, why would you do THAT?" She raised her voice, not out of anger, but out of concern and sadness. Her eyes were shinning with tears, she hugged him.

"Neville sh-show me y-your a-arm." He could tell that she was trying not to cry, to stay strong. He put out his arm silently showing her the bright cuts. Blood was still pouring out of the freshly made wound. Trembling, she put a soft warm finger on his skin, carefully touching it.

"Wh-why?!" she said as the tears began to pour and she began to shake a little. Hermione sniffled and pushed her hair back looking directly at him. Then she did something unexpected. Running up to him she hugged him tightly. Her body felt warm and comforting, and despite the situation he blushed as her chest was in contact with his.

He could feel her body shake with sobs. He felt somewhat awkward, as it was he who was hurting.

"Please, Neville, please tell me whats wrong." She said a little while later. They were both sitting on the couch looking at the fire.

"Nothing." he lied picking at his finger nails.

"Neville Longbottom," she practically yelled. "Something is wrong. The fact that you could do that so calmly and sit here without crying, it tells me something is up. I know the symptoms."she said looking down at her feet and saying no more.

He sighed as he gave up the answer. "Its kind of personal, okay? I-I can deal with it by myself."

She just shook her head tears almost falling. "No. I will help." It was more of a command then a question. "Neville, we need to help you. I need to get someone to help you. You can't keep going on like this. This is serious." she said putting her head on his shoulder.

Though she was trying to be comforting, he could not help but blush.

"Please, Please let me help you. I won't tell anyone but the person that I am going to ask to help." she said wiping the tears out of her eyes. Neville simply nodded staring back at the fire. They sat there like that for another hour, as the fire dwindled to embers. She finally sighed and got up. His shoulder felt cold with the break in contact. He too got up and yawned. Turning to him she ask, "Promise me that you won't hurt yourself."

After that he simply walked back up to his dorm.

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><p><strong> Thanks for reading and sorry for the short chapter. Please R&amp;R. Also HermionexNeville or LunaxNeville<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh my god, I didn't know how well people would like it but, thanks guys! Luckily for you, I don't have any ideas for my NaNoWriMo story at the moment so I think I'll update. Btw, this takes place on a linear time line, where there aren't so many important events happening every week.**

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><p>Neville awoke to the normal sound of morning mayhem. He saw bleary eyed straight up and saw that Harry and Ron were struggling no find something clean to wear. As he had recalled, today were their dates with Hermione and Ginny in Hogsmeade. He sighed wishfully, wondering what it was like to have someone to cuddle and think greatly of him, instead of just down on him.<p>

He gave them a small,weak smile as he went into the bathroom. They barely seemed to notice him. As usual.

He shed his clothes staring at his scars, and freshly cut lines, still crimson with freshness. He started at his awkward body, with its slightly lumped stomach and choppy hair.

The warm water formed a comforting shell around his body. Steam was curling off of the flowing water and made his lungs feel great. **(A/N: Anyone who can guess what this may foreshadow later in the story; a bad habit, gets a personal request from me about a story) **

Neville got out and pulled the towel over him, drying himself and rapping it around his waist. He then put on his clothes, making sure the sleeves were long.

When he entered the Great Hall, smells of food and sounds of meaningless conversations filled his sense. A stream of other students rushed past him. He made sure to avoid Hermione's questioning gaze and sat away from them, eating silently. He felt a deep, hot feeling of jealousy that surprised him, when he saw Ron kiss her carefully on the cheek.

Unfortunately his avoidance of Hermione was broken, as he walked out the door, not stopping to talk to anyone. He was so used to everyone ignoring him, that he was totally caught off guard when she tapped on his back.

"Can you meet me and Luna in the unused classroom on the third floor, after the Hogsmeade trip?" Neville did a double take.

"I thought you weren't going to tell anyone about this!" He whispered harshly at her.

"Yah, but she can help. Please, please don't do anything, umm, stupid while I'm gone." she said taking his hand into her. There it was again, that sense of warmth and compassion at her touch.

He didn't nod of do anything to let her know that he had heard her last request, he simply walked back to the stairs.

While the others were out kissing and buying presents for people, Neville stayed inside attempting to his Transfiguration homework, watching the bright white snow fall onto the ground outside. The warm fire crackled and hissed in the fireplace, warming his feet. _The snow is cold and dead. Like me _he thought as he placed the quill tip back down on the parchment.

A steady stream of people were now reentering the common room and going near the fire to warm up. He was now reading a collection of Edgar Allan Poe stories, occasionally looking up. Hermione,Ron,Harry, and Ginny were among the last to enter. Hermione clutched a few new books, and Ginny had a new necklace.

He glared at Ron, but ducked his gaze behind his book when he looked back at him.

The common room had greatly emptied of people and Hermione was left there talking to Ron. She leaning against the couch ad clutching the sides.

"No, I'm fine Ron. I just need to, errr, go down to the library to research something." When she said library she pressed again his knee indicating that it was time. He looked up from his book and set it down. He quickly walked out of the tower.

Hermione meet him outside a few minutes later, wearing a really nice looking shirt, at least in Neville's opinion. She smiled at him and took his hand.

"Ready?" she breathed. He nodded and walked along aside her, ignoring the surprised glances of other.

The classroom was empty and dark, but had an unknown source of light seeming to emit itself from the corners of the room. It was warm and had double couches facing each other.

When they walked in, Luna Lovegood was sitting on one of the couches and reading a H.P. Lovecraft collection of stories.

"What the fuck is this?" Neville asked Hermione harshly. She winced as he cursed before her and broke the contact of hands.

"You signed me up, for goddammed therapy lessons?" he glared at her. Hermione looked sad at his response. Luna looked up and had a serious but loving look in her eye. She had a shirt that was low cut. So it was obvious that they didn't want him to pay attention.

Neville sat down on the couch in front of Luna and smiled at her.

"Oh Neville. Why would you do this?" she asked calmly setting her book down.

Something inside Neville had grown more and more ever since he started cutting. His mood had grown more grown up and he noticed certain female parts more. He always seemed to be very on edge and had more anger within. It had seemed to burst a seem at this question.

"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING WORTHLESS!" he yelled at her. Her eyes remained on him, never breaking their gaze. He stood up swiftly and was seething with rage. Hermione had squeaked at his outburst.

"WHY CAN'T ANY OF YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT? I ONLY SERVE TO DISAPPOINT EVERYONE AND BE GOOD FOR NOTHING." he yelled walking around the room now. He had punched a wall, but he felt nothing. Nothing except rage and misery.

"Neville please sit down next to me." Luna said sighing and looking a him. He was surprised by her calmness and sat down, a couple tears spilling. She looked at him, and he looked directly into her eyes.

"Neville, your probably the most strong and brilliant man I know." she said quietly. he was caught off guard by this.

"Why?" he said, Tears streaming down his face. Luna leaned in and hugged him. Her warm body felt soft and vulnerable in his hands. Her soft silky hair touching his face.

"Because, you have stayed. Stayed on this earth alone for so many years. Stayed strong. Walked the earth alone." **(*cough* song lyrics *cough*) **she said smiling at him. Neville scoffed at this.

"I'm pathetic." he said leaning back on the couch.

"You are not." she said simply as she leaned back with him, placing her head on his chest and stroking his chest.

"You are beautiful and smart." she said hugging him, causing him to blush. He was glad that she was staring up at him now and not at his pants.

"Thank you Luna." he said feeling content.

"So are you okay Neville?" Hermione said breaking the peace and love in the room.

For whatever reason this caused him to get up, push Luna off him and run out.


	4. Chapter 4

Neville sat by the fire warming his cold hands. The flames glinted and danced on his eyes and he sat motionless.

Hermione had walked in a hour ago, blushing furiously and trying to talk to Neville. He finally snapped and yelled at her, "I'M FINE, OKAY?" That had caused her to sigh angrily and walked up the stairs. As she walked up the said, "We're only trying to help."

He wanted help, he honestly did. Just him and Luna, really. But he didn't say that when she walked into the dorm.

The common room was pretty much empty now; he was the only one. He felt for his knife under the couch but hesitated for a moment. Luna seemed actually concerned when he showed up with cuts on his arms. He pulled it out anyway and twirled it in his hands. Contemplating on whether to do it or no. The fire snapped and crackled, seeming to urge him on. The wind seemed to whisper to not to it. He sighed as he placed it on his previous cuts.

The blade has always seemed to glint with blood. It was like an old friend, who had brought you a cartoon of slow, slow acting emotional poison. It seemed to smile and want more from him. He smiled as he felt the familiar sharp jab in his skin. The skin stretched and contorted.

Neville twirled it around like that, scrapping it but not cutting into it. Whispers of pain were heard and he smiled up at the ceiling. Would any even care? Would any even question his disappearance?

Tears begin to fall like cold rain. His smile was retained thought. He thought of the wonderful pain and joy that death seemed to offer. To escape from the world, to become wanted. To bring pain to the ones who tortured him.

He could picture it now, the casket being lifted into the grave..

Neville realized that he had actually penetrated the skin. Soft flowing crimson lines fell onto his pale skin and laughed at him. They hugged his body, they told them that everything was okay. That they loved him, like no one else could.

He dipped his finger into the pooling blood and swirled it. Rain had begun to softly fall outside matching his emotions. Always dark.

Neville didn't remember how long he sat there. By the time the sun had rise, he had several new cuts, most deep and still bleeding. He didn't feel tired though. More the opposite.

As he quickly brushed himself off, he acted as though he had just gotten up early. He laughed inwardly at trying to blend in. No one really cared did they? As usual students kept coming and going past him.

Hermione came up to him, once again leaving Ron and Harry confused. He quickly pulled down his sleeve and smiled fakely at her.

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><p>Later that day, Luna pulled him into a empty classroom and sat down in front of him. This time there was no Hermione. Part of him was glad for this. The other was ashamed of the other because she had only tried to help.<p>

"Neville pull up your sleeve." He shivered that she didn't have that dreamy voice any more. This Luna was firm and serious. With a shaky breath he pulled it up.

"Why, Neville? Please, you need to stop this. I can help you." she said sadly, kissing his arm. Luna looked up at him, with tears in her eyes. Neville grimly sat back and studied the cuts. They weren't bright red, but a dull redish brown.

Luna pulled him into a hug and held him closely. This lasted for several minutes, with Luna crying. It was a soft and sad, and he could feel the wetness.

"Promise me, Neville, Please. Don't do this again. I know what it feels like to be like this. Wanting to die more than anything, to just let go of this world. Like no one cared about me. But people do care, Neville. Sometimes, where just too blind to see it." as she said this she wipped his tears off.

He nodded and hugged her again, but said, "I can't promise you that. I don't think I can." he whimpered. Luna sighed and patted his back.

"Neville you can. You just need to see that you matter. That people do love you. You will not walk alone anymore." she kissed him on the cheek and smiled at him.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the wait. Writers block and school, so yah. Leave me ideas in the reviews or pm me. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, sorry for not updating. Have had school and personal stuff in the way as well as being grounded until further notice. **

**So might not see anything until after Christmas or during it. But I hate it when authors do this so heres something:**

Neville smiled down at Luna. Her young and cute face was staring back at him, her cheeks glistening from tears. Her soft and cold hand was tough his marks and savoring the bump and roughness of each one. He grimaced as she did this, not wanting to disappoint her anymore but also didn't want to say good bye to those friends he had known for, for so long now.


	6. Chapter 6

**At last the long awaited chapter 6, an actual fucking chapter! Its gonna be after christmas but before new year's in this chapter!**

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><p>Nevill smiled as he and Luna sat beside each other watching the frozen river next to her house. He could see black and red fish swim around, trapped in their icy prison.<p>

His and her hand were intertwined together and were warm. He blushed as she squeezed it tighter. Luna's head was always draped over his neck and he could smell roses and warm cinnamon in her perfect, golden hair.

Bitter air swirled around them and frost bite their necks and faces. The sky was gray overhead and they were freezing. Neville thought it was a fine day for his mood. He wished this moment would never end, like many moments in his life. But the stream of time wasn't stopped by the cold weather and eventually they got up.

"I love doing this. Although it is weird to have another person here. Usually daddy's to busy to join me." she said in her regular, dreamy voice. Neville nodded and smiled, staring over to the breeze.

He loved cold weather because it meant longer clothes and shirts. More places to hide.

Luna smiled up at him and locked their hands again. She got closer and they touched. Warmth spread through Neville like a hot knife through butter.

They warmed themselves by the fire, the flames nipping and crackling. The flames danced in his eyes like they did in the common room, only a few short weeks ago. He could almost feel the lovely pain...

Luna handed him a cup of coffee and smiled at him again. He nodded and looked back at the fire. Neville took a careful sip, and smiled at the taste.

"Neville, I hope you know that I don't think you're worthless. You're so special. Please don't start cutting again. Promise me that." She pled again. Neville sighed and set his mug on the coffee table.

Why did people always think it was that simple? It was always it gets better, or just find someone. Depression was different than that, had more ways to hold you down and become your friend. Sometimes, Neville wished he could drink alcohol to dull the pain and dark memories.

"I can't promise you that." he whispered staring into the fire. His eyes were glossy and wet with unspilled tears.

"You need to stop relishing in this sadness." she answered with a cold sharp edge to her voice.

"I don't do that. DO YOU THINK I ENJOY BEING HURT?" He yelled back at her, whipping back around to her. Soft and slow tears were falling and Luna sighed hugging him.

"Neville I love you. And so do others." she said to him. Neville looked down to her.

"You do?" he said his voice cracking. He had never thought that she could or would. People always told him that he would never know love.

"Yes. You're not worthless. You're not an idiot. And fuck all the people that think or tell you that you are. Fuck the entire goddamn school if I need to. You're bigger and stronger that you ever thought." Luna said. Neville was speachless. He had never heard Luna curse but it was awesome.

"I-I do to Luna." he answered. He hugged her and brushed her hair. Neville stared into her eyes. He saw love and help. Comfort and outstretched arms. Something that he loved. Someone to love him back.


End file.
